beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice

i never thought there would be an expiration date

i thought it meant more than an old carton of eggs

it did to me at least

and it still does

life

I hate learning that a friend has passed away.

I hate knowing that a friend is just, gone.

It’s not fair. To anyone.

Hurricane

Shake down you make me break
For goodness sake
I think I'm on the edge
Of something new with you
Shout out don't drown the sound
I'll drown you out
You'll never scream so loud
As I want to scream with you

Standing there with your smile blinding
Your eyes from seeing
My face as I'm dying

To figure out a girl

But she drifts so far away
I'm on her coast
So maybe I should stay
And map around your world

So don't say
"These currents are still killing me"
And you can't explain
But the wind went and pulled me into your hurricane
Into your hurricane

Stand up don't make a sound
Your ears might bleed
There are sweet fluorescent enemies
That live inside of me
The world moves faster than I knew
Not fast enough to not creep up on you
And the space we put between
So pull me under your weather patterns
Your cold fronts and the rain don't matter
Because the sun burns what I needed

So don't say
"These currents are still killing me"
And you can't explain
But the wind went and pulled you into the hurricane
Into the hurricane

You don't do it on purpose
But you make me shake
Now I count the hours 'til you wake
With your babies breath
Breathe symphonies
Come on sweet catastrophe

Well, maybe this time I can follow through
I can feel complete
Stop paying dues
Stop the rain from falling
Keep my ocean calm
This time I know nothing's wrong

So don't say
"These currents are still killing me"
And you can't explain
But the wind went and pulled me in and no,
You don't say
"These currents are still killing me"
And you can't explain
But the wind went and pulled me into your hurricane
Into your hurricane
Into your hurricane

el diablo

reds, yellows, oranges and blues

colors of more than just flames

they are the colors of destruction and chaos

colors of obsessions and heat

heat so extreme it melts the skin

the disease inside breaking through

a blister of secrets

the blister of disguise

filling voids 8/2

laurie hales anderson "speak"
stieg larsson "girl who kicked the hornets’ nest"
nic sheff “tweak”
is what i am reading

death cab for cutie “narrow stairs”
miley cyrus “can’t be tamed”
good charlotte “chronicles of life and death”
killers “day & age”
is what i am listening to

gossip girl
dexter
secret life of the american teenager
is what i am watching

as of 3/12

chelsea handler "chelsea chelsea bang bang"

bram stoker "dracula"

nicholas sparks "the last song"

mark z sanielewski "house of leaves"

is what i am reading

yellowcard "one for the kids"

carrie underwood "play on"

all time low "nothing personal"

quietdrive "when all that's left is you"

is what i am listening to

gossip girl

lost

8 simple rules

big bang theory

is what i am watching

passion

what happens when you realize you don't have passion for anything?

life becomes a surreal blur

everything moves on and it feels as though you are just standing there

i want to find something

happy brithday to you

brace yourself.

friday night: so brett has this friend, her name is melissa, she is dating this boy named zachary, it was his birthday party friday night. people in LA do things a bit differently, it's awesome. instead of the standard party, she decided to have a giant scavenger hunt for her boyfriends party.. i know what you're thinking, a scavenger hunt? what are we? 9? but it was so much freaking fun! there were three teams, the awesome red team, the blue team, and the green team. we (awesome red) started out at in n out where we got 3 of the 25 tasks accomplished.. we had to get to go cups, ask a stranger for a french fry, and eat a 4x4, which is like this burger with like 4 patties on it.. we let the boys eat that ha ha

then we ventured to a public park where we had to shotgun a beer (totally illegal) and make a human pyramid, we were able to get four boys as our base and then us three girls (me, b, and this chill chick named kat) were on top (that's what she said).

from there we wondered to like this main street area where there was a movie theater, bars, restaurants, etc... we found a very nice man (don't remember his name) who let us mummify him with two rolls of toilet paper, and let us pretend that he was famous and we were the paparazzi, two more tasks done! then we went over to the movie theater where we had to find a vampire that would bite us.. luckily we were given vampire teeth and it was the premiere of twilight, we made best friends with this chick loanna who pretended to bite britta, freaking awesome. then her and her friend did a "cheer" using a megaphone and sweet cheer moves for zach... another few tasks down.. while we were at the movie theater, we posed w alvin and his chipmunks :)

from there we hit up the bar... where i had to change pants with this boy in our group, sobe, and we had to go buy drinks.. bonus points if someone else bought you a drink.. so, i walk up to this guy named alejandro (make sure you say that with a spanish accent, sounds so much better!) and straight up ask him to buy me a drink.. he did, and picked it, long island ice tea.. basically the drink of death... then he started to get creepy and wanted to make sure that i got "faded" (his words not mine), so basically i chugged that and we were out of there! oh and i changed back into my jeans.

so from there we had to find these posters on the wall at trader joes and mimic them.. they were all of turkeys in funny poses, weightlifting, surfing, etc. then we had to play leap frog in the fountain, hoping that it wouldn't turn on! we went over to the hotel where we were able to find a brochure for rubber ducks (weird stuff, i couldn't make this up if i tried) and we had to be paid for entertaining someone.. so britta dropped it like it was hot and brett i think was beat boxing ha ha.. anyways, this nice lady gave them a dollar so that was that!

so all in all we accomplished all twenty five tasks on our to do list, sadly only like a third of what we did is on my camera.. everything else, like fluffy bunny, getting bottle caps from this other bar, and taking a picture of firemen are on other people's cameras.. hopefully they will all surface to the internet in time...

friday the 13th

so britta and i were on our way to this magic show/comedy show/concert in santa monica right? well we turn down the road where we think it's at and there's like a valet service in the middle of the road that stops us, so we get out of the car because the mexican valet guys said that the real parking lot was way too far for us to walk to. so they take away the car, like valet does. we walk up to the building and everyone there is dressed super nice and they are walking around looking at stuff.. apparently we had super confused looks on our faces because these guys ask us if we are lost.. we find out that we are at a nissan launch party.. then i made friends with this guy cameron and he snuck us in the back door so we could hit up that party... yeah there was like free foods and free drinks.. and apparently nissan in unveiling this new electric car so we were able to see that and play with that.. it was cool.. oh, and also, when we met cameron he said that we could just leave our car after hours cuz the nissan party was only going till 10 and we would be there till at least 11.. so he said that he would just get our keys from valet and we could call him after and he would find us..

so we leave the nissan party and go find the real party/event that we were supposed to be attending.. as we're walking we totally walk right past where britta's car had been parked! so we ran back to the nissan party and grabbed b's keys... we go to our party and there's this comedian who is like super funny (alicyn packard) and then freaking awesome magic shows (amazing!) it was way cool.. afterwards we headed to this bar because it was this guy ryan, who i work with, birthday party. so we went there and met up with him.. b and i are standing at the bar and this weird guy from ukraine comes up to us and starts talking to us right? suddenly he tries to start licking us! let me repeat, LICKING US!! so then a few minutes pass and we decide to make a run to the bano.. but before we can really get anywhere these other guys come up to us and start asking us about the crazy ukrainian man... apparently the ukraine dude was semi-hitting on them ha ha, it was funny

Can I Get a Hu-Ha Two Times Tuesday?

So nothing really exciting happened today.

Nothing boring or bad happened either.

Today was just one of those days that becomes lost in a sea of days.

Chances are, I won't remember this day.

What makes a day worth remembering?

For that matter, what makes a person worth remembering?

Somebody died today.

Somebody was born today.

Somebody's life was drastically changed today.

And I won't remember today.

11-10-09

my last week in a nutshell (or in a blog, whichever you prefer)

so these are actually snipets of an email i sent to chelsea, my long lost best friend who lives in italy...

i thought it would be easier this way to update my blog ha ha

job: this last week all of the executives were in orlando so the office was super quiet, which allowed time for mingling :) i made friends with some of the people that i work with... thought i was in love with one of them, mike, then found out he was happily married, that crush was short lived. britta and i got to watch saw 6 for free at the lionsgate screening room.. that was awesome (both the screening room and the actual movie) which reminds me, do you get to watch movies there? or is everything in italian? got paid last friday (score!) pay check going to rent and the credit cards in which i charged all the new clothes i had to buy for work, that part sucked.

boys: met this boy bryan at this party last last weekend (like the 24th), we were supposed to hang out yesterday, we both bailed on each other... a true match made in heaven :) thinking of asking him out again for this weekend... met my neighbor's brother, i might marry him. his name is josh, super pretty, super perfect. he even called our running into each other in the laundry room a "date", loved every minute of it.. he's from illinios, super hot accent.

friends: britta-still engaged to brett, they're planning their honeymoon tonight, i don't think i am invited. whitney (i stalk your sister so much i decided we are bff's now)- i hear she will be home for christmas, really i read that on her twitter (which you should totally join), so does this mean that you will be home for christmas too?! i sure hope so cuz i'll be there too! i'll also be home for turkey day, so stoked... might hit up the mall at midnight on black friday. jessica- i've called her twice with no response, her engagement details are still pending. analee- recent stalking shows me she was in a fashion show with dogs, look it up. chelsea- did not email me back last week, slightly worried she married a hot italian and now lives on a mountain top and owns a flock of sheep. kjersten- that's right, made a new friend... well really she is friends with britta, but we could be friends too... went out to dinner w britta, kjersten and her two friends friday night, found this awesome dive bar called bourbon street, made friends with the owner and our server.. resulted in free drinks, score.

family: they're good. jake comes home next week from japan for like 3 weeks (he'll be home for turkey day too! -so excited) then he's off to iraq (boo). megan, love her, miss her. brother, ya he turns 16 in two weeks.... watch out for him! dad, loves me :) ha ha

church: normally not a category but it will be this week. went to church w britta and brett yesterday, they go to a family ward... full of couples that are only 23 with 3 kids, and then they let those 3 kids scream and squirm throughout sacrament, whatever... went to opposite ward's sunday school, full of old old people. last week was my turn for the fhe (yep, weekly ritual) activity... we carved pumpkins :)

health: so, saturday, i go to this doctor place right... as i'm about to leave i start feeling ill, slight headache, things start to spin, the usual. i decide i am going to faint so i ask the doctor lady for some candy (sugar helps), she's brings back fortune cookies (which don't have sugar fyi) anyways i eat those and i'm feeling better, as i stand up to leave i hear a crunch in my mouth... at the same time i realize i am going to faint.. sure enough i do... somehow i had managed to get back on the bed/table thing so that's where i wake up... i try swallowing cuz there is still cookie in my mouth, and i'm chewing something crunchy, no biggie.. i'm eating a fortune cookie right? wrong... yeah i chipped like half of my tooth, chewed it up, and swallowed it... all while dying on the table... so i have the people call my emergency contact (ms britta lynn) and her and brett come to get me...) afterwards we spent the next two hours with me crying, driving around los angeles trying to find a dentist to put me out of my misery (no such luck)...

halloween: because britta is the proud owner of 8 stitches (secret story) and i had a day from hell, we decided not to do a single thing for halloween... we rented a movie and ordered pizza, and it was fantastic! ha ha

so yes, that has been my life in the last week. bam.

Sunday Morning Thoughts

I recently decided that I am the type of person who waits for things to happen (I’ve probably been this way my whole life, but only now at I able to admit it). I will wait for someone to call me to go out, I will wait for someone to approach me, and I will wait for an opportunity to arrive. I’m sick of it.

I need to stop waiting and just get out there and make things happen. But that thought scares me more than anything because with a higher risk comes a higher chance for failure. I need to get out of my comfort zone, quick. I thought that moving to LA would help me do this, but I’ve already resorted back to my old habits.

Here’s to wishful thinking.

Sunday Evening

Got bored.
Joined twitter.
Follow me.
Fun stuff.

The Real Meaning of TV

It’s easy to feel alone and depressed while watching One Tree Hill when you are alone and it’s raining.

So, I'm not going to lie. I have pretty much been a loser this afternoon and have watched like five episdoes of One Tree Hill. I'm watching the end of the third season, where Nathan (my lover) and Haley get re-married. each episode has talked about true love and how Naley makes the world believe in true love. Well, it kinda sucks to watch these episdoes because it just makes me think of my own past, my own relationships. The characters on the show screw up all the time, and within the next two episodes everything is fixed. I wish real life were like that. Everything fixed within 87 minutes.

Anybody Need Tickets?

So today I got to sport my sweet Red Sox shirt that I bought especially for this trip. Interestingly the entire town of Boston has the exact same shirt. Good to know that Pocatello sells it for $3 cheaper. My day started out with a fun experience on the train/subway system that runs beneath the streets. My grandma, who mind you got us lost last night, told me that I was in charge of learning how the trains work… which really is not hard to do. So we take the train over to Kenmore and start walking to Fenway Park, oh btw, we don’t have tickets yet at this point. There are scalpers everywhere saying that they want $250 for bleacher tickets, each, which even to a rich person would be crazy to pay. There was a line to buy tickets from Fenway but the line was about a million people long, no joke. We combined our cash and came up with $203, so I took $200 and went to find tickets while the gma stayed in the million people long line. I was walking up and down this street, searching for anyone willing to sell for a reasonable (yet still highly-overpriced) amount. Just when I thought my life was over and that we had battled the subway system and the heat for nothing, this guy offered them to me for $100 apiece. SCORE!!! I was so happy that I almost flirted back with him. He was gross.

So finally we entered the infamous Fenway Park, which is freaking huge! We were like an hour early so we grabbed some food (I was at a baseball park, I had to eat at least one hot dog) and finally found our seats. The game started and everyone was having an awesome time. Suddenly during the top of the first this giant rain cloud started creeping over the sky. (here is a picture of the scary cloud.) Just as David Ortiz (who sadly went for like 0-4) stepped up to the plate they called a rain delay because it was raining, thundering, and lightening. Then the biggest freaking rain drops I have ever seen started falling. While everyone was frantically trying to escape the outdoors the rain picked up, drenching everyone in its path! My grey sweatshirt instantly turned to a dark grey because it was completely saturated with the rain. After only ten minutes of rain, the clouds disappeared and the sun shined brightly. After they cleaned up the field and put away the tarp, which took two attempts because the people are retarded, the game finally resumed (side note: there are some very attractive men in Boston). It was a way close game until about the 7th inning where Boston took a seven run lead. Red Sox ended up winning 12-5, wahoo!

After the game we found our way back to the subway, which my gma kept insisting we were going the wrong way – we weren’t. Remember how I was put in charge of learning the subway? Well my gma just didn’t believe me. It wasn’t until we exited the Boylston stop that she believed in me… so whatever. So yeah, we get out at Boylston and it is raining, AGAIN! We tried waiting the storm out, but it just wasn’t worth it. We walked home in the rain, which meant we dodged and trudged through giant puddles that almost consumed me.

Moral of this story: it rains a lot in Boston, bring a map and an umbrella wherever you go.

I swear I can feel a spider

So today we landed in Boston, after a very bumpy flight where I honestly that I was going to puke. Anyways, so after paying $32 for a ten minute cab ride, which I also thought I was going to puke in the back of the cab, we finally arrived at our hotel. It seems like a pretty cool hotel, though the hotel’s swimming pool is literally attached the YMCA in Chinatown… needless to say I will not be using the pool anytime this weekend. So yeah, technically we are in downtown Boston, but we are also in Chinatown… which is ironic because there are tons of Malaysian, Vietnamese, and Thai food places surrounding our hotel, we have yet to find actual Chinese food.

We walked around for like 3 hours today, no joke... There’s this thing called the Freedom Trail that you can follow around the town. There is a red line painted on the sidewalk that you follow, which makes it very easy to find your way around. And yet, instead of my grandma just looking down and following the obvious red line on the concrete sidewalk, she insists on looking at the map, which got us slightly lost. So I guess whatever, let’s just ignore the fact that this red line has been guiding people for decades.

And that is a wrap up of my day. I hope tomorrow will run a bit smoother, but yet we are attempting to ride the subway around tomorrow… so for all I know, we could become even more lost than I even thought possible. Freak.

Ps I had to sneak away down to the lobby to post this because the hotel doesn’t believe in providing free internet to our room, just the lobby… where everyone is staring…

Let's Pretend

Let's pretend for just a minute...
that i actually had a plan for the rest of my life
that i actually had a boyfriend
that i liked to eat celery
that i didn't just graduate college
that i wasn't obsessed with my finances
that i was fluent in spanish
that i was taller
that i wasn't addicted to capri suns (mountain cooler only)
that i wasn't "emotionally difficult"
that i lived in south africa
that i was made out of money
that i was in shape
that i wasn't insecure
that i didn't have anxiety over everything
that i really was funny, like stand up comedian funny
that i had annoying drama
that i was going somewhere with my life
that i did get this nannying job back East

what then?

i'm brand new.. like a virgin

so welcome.. this is my first "blogging" session. i have always been a bit skeptical about this whole thing, i mean, what are you supposed to talk about that other people are going to find interesting? so i decided that i would try it out.. and if you don't find this interesting and/or entertaining then f you and i don't need you in my life (and don't worry about the fact i don't use proper capitalization, it's my own personal style.. so deal with it).

so i am graduating from college within the next month, and i am scared to death. college is just going to be, over. i've only known school, i've been in school everyday of my life since pre-school... how do you just stop going to school? i'm thinking about going to grad school, in fact i actually got in.. so now do i spend like 10k on "furthering my education" or do i decide to be a grown up and grow up, get a real job? that thought terrifies me..

i wish i could go back to the simpler times in life, when everything was just laid out in front of you. whoever decided that you should make your own choices was an idiot.

i've been watching a lot of chelsea handler lately (who btw is my freaking hero!) and i wish that i was funny. like straight up hysterical. i think it would be the coolest thing to be a stand up comedian... being able to travel the country making people laugh. that would be the best job in the world. in my opinion i think i am freaking hilarious, i just don't know if other people would appreciate my humor as well. oh well, so much for that dream. but i guess that's all it is, it's all a dream.